The Caloriecake Factory, Henderson, NV

250 lbs - Drawn like fat little moths to our glittering temple.

If you’re going to visit a restaurant that more than lives up to its reputation for dietary madness, go on an unrestricted night, because it’s stupidly futile to observe gustatory rigor at The Caloriecake Factory. Their well-honed formula will suck dollars from your wallet and pack pounds on your waist.

And it is a successful formula, at least as best I can tell: each dish is savory and well prepared if not totally inspired, and most spill over the sides of large plates. Gracious, competent staff, expensive drinks, and no room for dessert, which you will order anyway.

Chicken Madeira: Heavy and comfortish, with nicely cooked chicken breast slathered in peas, carrots, heavy cream/chicken/cheese sauce, stacked on top of a George Foreman fist sized serving of creamy potatoes. Because this setup is too low carb, Caloriecake adds two standard sized buttery biscuits on top of all this, which is good because I totally didn’t get enough bread before the meal. With butter. And beer.

Total calorie weigh-in: 1650 for just the dish alone.

Bacon-bacon burger: perfect sear over hot pink beef. Soft, sweetish french roll, fresh crispy veggies, and a joyfully disgusting amount of cheddar cheese and mayo. Man, what a good burger! Alas, sidekicked by fries with a sadly low crunch halflife. The fries could be better.

Calories: 1500. This is so much naughty fun that it’ll come with a hangover.

Caramel Salted Cheesecake: 1000 calories for one slice. I’m laughing as I type this.

Back on program tomorrow. The Caloriecake Factory adds just enough pleasure to your guilty to keep busting diets like belts. Go enjoy.

Occasionally.